Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
