Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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