Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
