I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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