no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
