if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
