his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
