Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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