arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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