So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
