If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
