just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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