i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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