you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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