Me. At least after what I've been through.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
