I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
