i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
