You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize