tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
