I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
