somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
there is glitter all over my balls
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
