i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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