remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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