PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
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