I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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