How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
