my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
