Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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