Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
