i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
