Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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