kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
