I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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