Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
