Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
