If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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