do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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