Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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