did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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