Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
