On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
