so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
