We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
