I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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