i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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