I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
