I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
