when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
