I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I understand Curling. That high.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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