after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
