what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have fence marks all over my body
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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