I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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