My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
