Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
