Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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