From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
