If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
