its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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