in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
