Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
