I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
