I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
