1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
