at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
