I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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