there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
