I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
All I want is dick and wine.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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