Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
