dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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