I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
