they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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