Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
