i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
