When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
